the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
