Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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