I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How's work?
Spinning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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