Princesses don't give blow jobs
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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