Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
