This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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