God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
