I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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