so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
