at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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