Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
