Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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