My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize