If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
