What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
