Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize