When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
