I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
