me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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