So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
