i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
