At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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