He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
