Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
