I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
