dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
