Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
