24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
