"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
