Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
