That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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