Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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