My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
