is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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