i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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