none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
