the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Soap is not a condiment
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
