dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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