thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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