Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
