this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
