It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
