I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
