Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
