so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wish there were birth control emojis
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
