Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
