I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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