DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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