just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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