I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
