I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
