sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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