Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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