WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize