in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
