if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
