he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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