Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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