Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
