We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
