Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
