Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
