I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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