I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
