i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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