I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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